It's 3 am and here I am, not being able to fall asleep. Oh hey! It's Ramadan already. In fact, I usually sleep at 4 am so it's not a big of a deal. To be frank, I am utterly embarrassed with my self of what I wrote in my previous post. I have to admit, I was depressed; severe depression that leads to yup you guessed it - self harming. Did lots of test - the results came out all the same. The symptoms are including lost/gain weight drastically (in my case, it's gaining weight). Lost of interest of what what used to be the most interesting part of the day ( not going out, for instance). Alienate oneself to the loved ones, and many other bullshit. But now I began to understand all of it. Why did it happen. I am no longer the same me. I am different. I changed the way I look at things, I changed rather drastically. That was what needed to be done, in fact, for a long time ago.

Love.

What is that. I question myself a lot. I used to say that word. I dont even know what that word means. It meant nothing to me. Someone once asked me, if you dont believe in love, how about your parents, dont you love them. Wrong. The love I have for my family is infinite. You just dont compare my love for my family with some ass strangers that could break one's heart. And no. I dont love my father. In fact, if I could have one license to kill, he would be first one I'd kill. I want him dead, more than ever. Don't let me get to that part. It was painful enough to let strangers had a piece of my heart and throw it away and just left. Imagine, your own father. I'm ranting, aren't I? yada yada

okay, peace out